Billionaires!
 

Welcome to the home of Billionaires for Bush and War and Billionaires for the Olympics!
The club that everyone wants to join but few can afford!

Billionaires is an EXCLUSIVE club. And despite our years of tightly controlling presidencies, prime ministers, and mayors everywhere, we have serious concerns about our decision to recruit more billionaires to join our ranks. The fact is, our natural instinct for preservation of the species (more and more wealth is being concentrated in the hands of fewer and fewer people!) won out over our cultural elitism, and we have decided that as long as you stand for what we stand for (see our Platform and Chants & Slogans) then we welcome you as a fellow Billionaire!

NAME
After you get yourself an executive office suite and a battery of secretaries and other support staff, we suggest you choose a name for yourself. Already among our ranks are Phil T. Rich, Monica VonDollarsign, Max Profit, and Lisa Likemoney. And of course — you're never to rich for your assistants to hand out business cards. Still having trouble? Try our online name assistant.

POLITICAL MESSAGE
You will need to decide what issues you care most deeply about. Traditionally, Billionaires are most interested in buying political power. Remember, we're non-partisan — we'll buy any politician!

PUBLIC APPEARANCES
It can be difficult for many of us to admit publicly that we are extremely wealthy. It can make us feel vulnerable — worried that people will approach us to ask for money, or scorn us because we have more than they do, or merely subject us to undue scrutiny. Nonetheless, Billionaires must make public appearances if we want to maintain the status quo!

Remember, image is everything! We want to be taken seriously by the media, by the causes and candidates we are supporting, and by other wealthy people. We recommend that you make a tasteful and elegant banner or sign with your message on it. Black or red on white in clear block letters is the easiest to read from the greatest distance. Of course, a little gold embossment around the edges provides a tasteful je ne sais quoi.

Visual unity is important. Remember, we make a bigger and more powerful impression (and we ARE about power!) when we appear unified and dignified! For tips on what to wear, please see our suit-able attire section.

And yes, we know, cash is passé. But when making public appearances you never know when you'll need scads of it to throw around to get the kind of respect YOU deserve! We suggest stocking up.

If you're ready to join us, get your people to talk to our people.